Set Adrift, but not on Memory Bliss

  Life has been... odd lately.  I am mostly a creature of habit, which is not exactly a great thing but it is a comforting one.  When you know what is what and when and all that.  Stasis. But it is realllllly hard to get moving from a fixed position.  Unless you have a catalyst to shove you rudely into movement.

Most times I see that catalyst coming but there are times when it hits like a nasty bolt out of the blue.  I had to laugh when I said, "Ok there's the Tower at least it isn't the stabby card... only to get the stabby card the next day, after the fact. *blink blink*

Now I feel, adrift. Slightly off sides and wanting to find some fixed position to align myself with. But maybe I also just need to accept these feelings and let them flow. As in all things from the past, in the present, everything will coalesce in its own time. Good thing I have been doing the whole mindfulness study or I would  really be a mess.   

Dreams Dreams - This morning I was dreaming that I lost a tiny key. I had put it in one purse and neglected to put it in the purse I was going to use.  It was like the tiny key you get with a diary when you are 8. All  the efforts I put into finding and retrieving this key failed and I was very upset.

To dream that you lose your keys signify fears of losing control of yourself or losing your position or status in life. It may also indicate unexpected changes, frustrations, and unpleasant adventures. The dream could be analogous to lost or missed opportunities.

Well. There's that word again. Control. I hate not being in control. It is the biggest thing I struggle with and as much as I am trying, I really hate losing my control over stuff.   Struggles that I shouldn't struggle with - But I am trying.

Right now I am trying to find a focus point. Something to anchor myself too.  To be present, right here and now and dealing with things as they arise. Trying not to struggle against things I cannot control.

So not me LOL ......

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