I love The Queen Mary - All things Queen Mary. My parents took me when I was a kid and I loved it from the first visit.  Even the creepy bits with the dressed up mannequins and isolation rooms.  Here are some photos of my last visit. I even had a weird encounter in the pool area.  During the tour as the guide was talking about the pool area, I heard what sounded like a rock skipping on the ground next to me. I was the last person in the line and no one was next to me on that side.  Then the rock hit me in the leg.  There were no other rubble bits on the ground and nothing falling from the ceiling. It was pretty nifty and a nice spooky personal experience.

Some photos: If they look sideways, just click on them for the upright version. I am not sure why they post that way.

I was thinking about ancestors and family and the people who have gone on to their next spin on the wheel and after seeing a IG post about a tarot spread to honor the dead I remembered this experience.  Up until my brothers death, I never pondered much on the spiritual side but once he died and I had 2 experience that blew my mind, I knew I had a journey of learning ahead of me. And that journey has not stopped yet.

So, while it is almost Halloween and the veil is thinning, here are 2 personal experiences I had the week after my brother died.  They still give me goosebumps to think of them. I think they also gave goosebumps to the few people I have told these stories too as well.

1 ~ One Last Trip Home

My brother died on August 8, 1997. He died sometime late at night, estimated at 11 PM.  None of us knew this at the time - we wouldn't know for another week. Yet, a few events surrounding this, echo.

It was a Friday night and my brother had left the house in the  mid-afternoon. Several of our neighbors saw him go and waved. We had lived in that house for 10 years so everyone knew everybody.  He had on his favorite  dark red hoodie, black jeans and his backpack. 

When he was finally found it hit us hard.  My parents lost it and I had to drive home while trying very hard not to think about anything. It wasn't easy.  I ended up having them taken to the hospital overnight because of how devastated they were. While I sort of meandered around the house alone, cleaning up and wondering why my brother killed himself.

I finally decided to pass some time on the upstairs computer, playing hand after hand of spider solitaire.  At 11 PM, I heard the front door open and close. At first I didn't think anything of it because it was a normal sound. Until I realized no one would be expected home...  Then I heard feet cross the flagstone entry, then the wooden flooring. My heart decided to have a speed race and I was having trouble breathing. The door to the hall was slanted so that I couldn't see the stairwell but I could HEAR feet, slowing coming up the stairs.  Frozen, I listened to them and just about fell out of the chair when the footsteps SKIPPED the 6th riser, which always creaked loudly, so we skipped it if we were coming in late. ONLY my brother and I did that.  

Having had zero interaction with anything supernatural and being completely overwrought, I realized as the footsteps were hitting riser 9 and 10 and almost to the top, I was saying over and over again, "no no no stop no no no."  And then the steps.. stopped.

I am not sure how long I sat there frozen but finally I forced myself to stand up and fling the door open and nothing was there... although I could smell my brother's aftershave. But he lived there so his scent was there - and while that was indicative of nothing conclusive. I knew it was him and I was both scared and sad that I may have missed seeing him.... but emotionally, I was too out of it to think straight.

Here comes the goosebumps:

The neighbor across the street was closing up her drapes that same night, when she glimpsed someone walking up our front walk. She was startled and alarmed at first as it was late, until she recognized the familiar walk and sweatshirt. Still, as she told us later, something made her shiver and she closed the curtains as her clock chimed the eleventh hour. (She wasn't aware that my brother had been found dead earlier that day)

After the funeral, she was hesitant to talk about it but felt it important. While cleaning up all the gifts of food and drink, she started telling us what she saw and when she saw it. She also told us that she believed in spirits. At the time, she had no reason to believe she was seeing one, because it was a perfectly normal thing to see my brother walking up the porch steps at any given time. 

It wasn't until she told us when she saw him that I shivered. She described him down to his shoes and backpack and said he didn't look "ghostly," but solid. She would have sworn to anyone asking that she saw the real person. But we all knew that to be impossible. Yet, at 11 PM, we both saw and or heard him.

I think my brother was coming home one last time.

2 ~ A Hug Goodbye?

In the days after his death but before his funeral, I stayed with my parents, none of us wanted to be alone.  I had a lot of trouble sleeping, so I found myself up most of the night reading or just staring at the wall. I couldn't concentrate, I missed my brother so bad and wished again, for a chance to see him. I started to cry. Up, until that point, I hadn't cried at all and these were wracking sobs that I had been holding in, afraid they wouldn't stop if I let them go. It hurt so very much.  

I kept saying over and again, "I just wanted a hug, I just wanted to say goodbye, I never had that chance..." 

A litany to keep a hold on whatever sanity I had.  I begged and pleaded, as the grieving do. It was so hard to deal, I was angry that he left without a note or any sort of goodbye. So I was pissed and heartbroken and just wanted a goodbye.  It was the first time I ever truly knew what a broken heart felt like.  

My brother had this way of hugging people - sort of sideways with a nice should squeeze. I just wanted one of those so badly and was silently pleading and ranting in my head that he owed me one.  

When all of a sudden, it the midst of wracking sobs and anguishing ache - I realized I was laughing, Like totally happy laughing when all is well and nothing is wrong and I felt such PEACE. And I felt his arm around me - and that should squeeze. I physically felt that arm around me.  Everything was suddenly OK and I had one moment, of perfect beauty.

As I sat with that warmth the clock chimed. It was 11 o'clock.

Soar Eternally Free ~ I miss you..

The Tarot Card I drew, well, it fell out of the deck at me, was The Tower.  And I think I probably already knew that. It would have taken a very Tower moment for my brother to have killed himself. I may not know what that moment was, but I know it had to have been bad.  I have never once tried to contact my brother via divination - I figured I  got my hug, anything else can wait til I see him again.

I never much liked cutting into them even when I was a kid. I was much happier discovering I could just paint them!

So, have I mentioned I have a sort of addiction to Hobby Lobby? *coughcough* I might have. Anywho, I needed a few supplies and found some lovely things.  A nice fat quarter bundle of pretty material, a ready to stitch on frame and some needles.  I then saw the hedgehog kit. I mean LOOK at it LOL  It came with a hoop too. I love hoops. 

Then I beelined down the aisles for the hat.  You need to understand I don't do hats. I LOVE hats but in general, they never work right. They always look great in my head, but not ON my head. I get high hopes up and then hate how they look. But I saw this one last weekend and kept thinking about it enough to get it this weekend. And it totally fits and looks just like I thought it would. And bonus, it smells like Hobby Lobby, which is one of the best smells ever. Right up there with the smell of books.

​HAT: Just ignore the craft supplies in the back.

Something funny too - well, I thought it was funny, but I am really tired and in that tired tears state of being. So, last year I pre-ordered a very old tarot deck called the Minchiate. It has 97 cards instead of the usual 78 and it is GORGEOUS. I was going through them to see all the lovely art and ended up cracking up over the Tower card.

Usual Tower card shows a Tower, most often being struck by lightning and having some people falling out of it - yeah, it is not a cheery card. BUT, in the Minchiate, it shows a close up of the Tower door, with one person heading out of it and another just inside the door and it looks like the 2nd person is shoving the first person out while yelling, "GO GO HURRY GO NOW OUT HOT HOT FIRE OUCH"

I told you I was tired LOLOL The first card is the Tower from the Ancient Italian Deck, the second is the Minchiate Tower. Click to make them big and correctly upright as Weebly keeps making them sideways.

Last night was amazing. There was a massive lightning storm for a few hours - it made me incredibly happy too since So. Cal. rarely gets any type of storm. It was still raining this morning so of course that called for a trip out in it to play.  

I got some fun embroidery floss and a few things to embroider on - hopefully, I can amass a nice stock to get an etsy store started.

So, it's a perfect day to stay in and create fun things. Have a great weekend!

 I was heading out to shop this morning when I found myself tangled in a sticky spider web.

I generally try to stay away from webs because A: they are spiders home and B: I don't want a spider all up in my face.

B didn't work today and I got a spider all up in my face. Hence the spazz portion of the day.

I figured she had something to say besides HEY THAT WAS MY HOUSE, so I looked in my medicine cards and here you go:

Spider is the creative, female force that weaves beautiful creations in life. When she shows herself to you, she's reminding you to create! To not forget that you are an infinite being and all that you do becomes a part of the entire tapestry of life. 

So speaketh the spider and who am I to ignore her?  This is a work in progress - I am teaching myself embroidery on some really cheap material which tends to either bunch up or do odd things when I don't want it to, but I think I am doing ok.  I got the sun off a ouija board, also a moon and some other symbols.  Ideally, I'd like to get decent enough to make gifts as well as maybe sell stuff online. It is a very enjoyable craft and the possibilities are endless.  I just can't watch stuff like Dr. Who while I sew.... unless I want a few more band aids and moments of OUCH!  ;)

First: I have no idea why these photos are all sideways - they are correct until I upload. If you click on them, they show the correct upright photo.

Second: SPIRIT HALLOWEEN STORES ARE AWESOME!
I hunted one down because a IG friend found some really cheap tarot cards there. I kinda got distracted from my mission as soon as I walked in. OMG.  I am totally working in one next year LOL

They had great costumes and not expensive either.  I next year I am steampunking Alice in Wonderland for sure - this year no plans. They also have a LOT of decor. If I had more room to decorate I would have bought some stuffs!! 

​But once I got over the fun shiny things I got back on track and found the cards and they did NOT disappoint!

I need to do a post just on the art - oh, right, there were candles too LOL

So, go visit a Spirit Halloween store. You'll have lots of fun! You will also wander away humming the Halloween theme song because it was playing LOL I am totally ok with that.

I love this time of the year - October is my favorite month.  Although it is 92 degrees today - apparently October didn't get the memo, COOL DOWN

I set my intentions for the month here, if you are interested. Had a really great spread with good focus points and goals.

Then I organized my October monthly planner - that took awhile but was fun and helped clear out the chaos so I can focus!

I have several paint by numbers projects planned as well as getting some holiday embroidery going - Hobby Lobby had a lot of material for a good price, so I think I can make decorative cloths to sell and that makes me happy!

Time to get out the spooky holiday themed shows and reads too - I would also like to dig out the boots and sweaters but Fall in So. Cal. never really obliges the cooler temps needed for those items. Dangit.

How do you celebrate this lovely time of Fall?