My Grandmother she liked to be called, "Mom," came to me in my dream the other night. I don't mean I dreamed of her, I mean she visited me and it has been a long time since she has done that. She died a long time ago but would often come when I needed some sort of help - she was always there to give me a loving boost of energy when I needed it.
So, in my dream she was sitting on the patio and inside the house I could hear festive type noises, I think we were having some sort of celebration lunch. I told her she needed to come in and eat with us and she nodded but stayed seated in a patio chair.
She looked younger, like how I remember her when I was a kid - so pretty and kind. She told me to come here and when I did she took my hands in hers and said, "look at me." When I did, she looked deep into my eyes and told me that she was so proud of me. That I had become such a beautiful woman and that everything I have done was good and again that she loved me and was so proud of me.
I woke up shortly after that and I was just in tears. I am almost at the end of the first part of my INELDA course and have been thinking about how to go forth into the death doula world and if I was doing the right things and she came at the perfect time to tell me that I was indeed doing the right things.
Thanks Mom - I love you.
I had a very big dream the other morning - someone kept telling me that I had to Remember Who You Are and that it was my last chance to remember. (No pressure dream!)
What was frustrating was that I could almost remember - it was right there, but I couldn't grab it. After thinking on it when I woke up, I pulled some cards and they were pretty spot on as usual.
Card One I asked: Who Am I?
Star - The return of hope and healing
Card Two I asked: Why Am I Here?
Knight of Cups
Journey beyond the known to find my destiny (well that is sort of right on the money LOL)
Also a quest for emotional connection and that there is a danger in not pursuing my dreams - mkay then LOL
Card Three I asked: What did I forget?
Six of Swords
I need to leave behind the known and journey far away - there is no guarantee that what comes next will be any better or have greater promise but to have hope. (Star)
I also love how that card is facing back to the first two cards - as if pointing me in the direction of what I need to remember.
Moving past the known - be brave and have hope - journey into the unknown - there are greater benefits in moving forward than staying stuck. Can't argue with that.
I Things connect. We don't always see it but the Universe knows what is going on and sends all sorts of synchronicity our way until we see it or get smacked upside the head with it.
From the last dream on 11.22.20 The Eleusinian Mystery tour - I started looking for more on the subject and hoping for another dream to help light that one up but other things got in the way and while I never forgot it, I just didn't concentrate much on it until recently.
I finished Robert Moss's book Dreamgates last night and was thinking about his Active Dreaming techniques for going back into a dream to suss it out and started reading more on the Mysteries themselves. I had forgotten it was about Initiation into the Cult of Demeter and her daughter Persephone. Not much else is known but general guessing, because it was death to anyone who told what happened during the rites. But it was theorized that the rebirth of Persephone symbolized the eternity of life which flows from generation to generation, and they believed that they would have a reward in the afterlife. As well as to elevate man above the human sphere into the divine and to assure his redemption by making him a god and so conferring immortality upon him.
Oddly enough, I was looking for a new book to read and Amazon Unlimited had a deal on some new books for free. One was A Touch of Darkness by Scarlett St. Clair and low and behold - it is a retelling of the Persephone/Hades myth! I see what you're doing there Universe LOL
So, last night, while having all these symbols flying through my head and trying to journal them all down, I keep wondering what it all MEANS.
Then I have the dream.
I am in a house that looks like my grandparents farm - I walk out onto the back porch and fall/lay down? A male comes out and looks down at me, like I am faking being hurt or dead? Or something like that and then walks away as if to say I am on my own. I get the feeling he was like the Animus, telling me I can do this on my own.
So, I get up and walk around a corner into a square open space of green grass surrounded by trees. (hope, renewal, growth, levels realms) It is evening/darkish. Things start to shift - normal/then super vivid clarity. And with the shift a few things appear/disappear. I see a castle type building appear in a very colorful shiny shimmery way, then disappear - and I realize I am seeing two worlds. This world and the Otherworld (after death)
Interesting to note but Castles can mean refuge, protection and individuation. Jung believed that the solitude represented by the castle was necessary to the process of individuation.
I look up and see three crows flying around me - I start singing and one flies to me and lands on my left arm. He is black but then switches to white - on and off. I keep looking around me in wonder that I can do this and it feels like home. (left arm - left symbolizing, unconscious, night, moon, death and the underworld)
I realize I am to help others cross over and there is a male waiting in a cement out building off the grassy tree area I am in. I go sit with him and we talk about various things and I feel really badly that I have to do this or that he has to die... but he is totally ok with it and is ready and then he just "goes."
I also get the feeling there was a door opening behind him in the cement wall and I think there was a station there - subway? Train? Place to board and go on....
In a later dream before waking - I am working at a disneylandish place, I am new and I need to find this item to restock and I cant find the exact item and I am getting panicky and want to flee, run, go but instead I stop and stay and try to think of a way to get through this without running. Then I wake up. (this is important because I used to always just leave bad situations instead of dealing with them - also, remember what the Hierophant asked me in the Eleusinian Dream? Do I want to do what I always do or what I should do? - I chose differently this time.)
So, I asked my Thoth deck how best to look at all of this and pulled the Three of Swords - not a generally cheery card - but holy crap. One of the keyphrases, "purpose in life," and "individuation." Um... yes.
Because in this dream I am a Psychopomp.
Crows are also known as pyschopomps as well as messages from your subconscious mind. They herald change and transformation and can fly between the world of the living and the dead. They also help you see your Purpose in Life.
Synchronicity at its finest. I have been reading a LOT about the death doula industry for a few years now and was hoping to take classes last year before Covid arrived. It is still in my mind, helping people have a Good Death - especially those that may be scared and alone and just want some dignity. This dream, connected with the Eleusinian Dream - sealed that deal.
I guess you could call me a Modern Day Persephone - one thing I know for sure - waking up and finally knowing what your life purpose is? There are no words to describe it. I am so full of energy right now that I am practically flying like the crows in my dream.
Wow. Just. Wow.
I knew this was a Big Dream the moment I was awakened from it but I didn't realize HOW big until synchronicity came into play awhile later. Things started connecting in a huge way. But I need to get the original dream down before I connect the dots. I am bolding the bits that are or end up being synchronous.
I am in a "locker room" type area and I come out between a few rows of lockers to a male companion? I point to a Dragon pin on my upper chest and tap it - saying this is how you will know me, if I am changed. Then we say goodbye and I walk into this stone building/city. You can see my chicken scratch dream drawing of the layout in the photos up there.
I feel strong and powerful - no hesitations at all during this dream.
Everything feels dark/night and while I don't think it is underground I sense a basementy feel? The stones are huge that make up the rooms and some are damp, I can also hear water trickling somewhere. I tell myself I should use one hand to follow the walls so I don't get lost, like in a mirror maze. When I go to do that I realize I am holding a small metal reddish key that looks like a Egyptian crook.
I turn into a second room and there is a bed/platform in it with a older man who looks spot on like the RWS Hierophant. We don't speak outloud but I hear him in my head and know he wants the key. Then he says to me, "Do you want to choose who/what you always choose or do you want to pick what you are supposed to choose?"
He then looks relieved that I say, after thinking about it, what I am supposed to choose - like maybe I have done this over and over and never chosen correctly. He tells me to continue...
I walk through this wide open stone doorway into an open area. (see my drawing as well as the photo of the Telesterion)
It is night/dark and to my right it feels like open area with grass and rubbley bits of stuff. Straight ahead it is a long road and to my left up a hillish bit is a stone throne thing. Like the RWS emperor card. At first it seems like a stone man is on the throne but then a real man is standing next to it. In the distance a bit off, two people are walking away as if they had just visited the throne.
I am still on the road a bit aways and I notice that my clothes need adjusting. I am wearing a silky type robe (asian/indian?) and it is tied tightly so I can't pull up my leggings which are drooping and it feels very important that I fix this before anyone sees me.
And then my stupid neighbors make a lot of noise and wake me up. Dammit.
There is a lot of symbolism in this dream and to me it was very important but the part I need to really focus on is that a week or so later I was reading Dreamgates by Robert Moss (see the photo of the page of text) and he talks of a Hierophant in a dream and the Eleusinian Mysteries.
I have heard of them but no real knowledge so I of course, Google the hell out of it. And ...
My. Jaw. Drops.
Because I saw the photo of the place, Telesterion, where these Mysteries are held and drumroll.... I walked right into my dream.
There is more but needs to be a different post with another dream and more synchronicity!
Dreams are coming fast and vivid the past few days - first I am birthing things, then I am facing my fears and conquering them - standing in my own power. But this morning was - I think blockage. Something I need to work on.
First, I am out somewhere and I call my mom and dad to come get me - they do and they take me home, which was the house I grew up in. When I dream of my dad, it means I need to pull up my big girl pants and get serious - when I dream of my mom it means I need to be or feel safe or I need comfort.
Once home, they go to bed, it's night - and I am trying frantically to send messages to friends letting them know where I am - but nothing is working. My phone/computer either wont connect or the mail wont send or something is just wrong. This happens when I am having communication issues in the real world - although, I didn't think I was having any. Something is miscommunicating anyway.
So, then I go down the hall to tell my mom that nothing is working, I have a blanket wrapped around my shoulders (comfort I think) - it is all dark/night and she is asleep on the living room floor by the sofa. I notice as I walk down the hall that a huge black snake comes out of the hall closet and glides around the room on the upper wall before stopping at the bookshelves and crawling into the middle shelf to watch me. I HATE snakes in real life, but here I am faking not scared? Trying to pretend it doesn't freak me out? So it wont sense fear? Something like that - so my mom wont wake up so I cant tell her I can't communicate with anyone and then I notice that the snake is now lighting up/glowing in the dark. The colors are like the Stuart Semple LIT green and orange - and they are in stripes down its body and then face. First green then orange. (Green - growth. Orange - expansive, mind expanding)
I am really trying to get my mom to wake up so she can see this but no, she sleeps LOL I watch it shift colors until it starts to move off the shelf. I feel a bit worried here as I dont want it near me so I tighten up my blanket (safety) and move back to the hall door and then shut it behind me. As in real life, this door has a small metallic grate in the bottom and I can see the snake in front of the door.
It's acting almost like a little kid who wants attention? Kinda moving back and forth making weird noises and kind of tantrumy? I don't like this so I hit the door and stomp my foot - it stops for a moment then starts up again so I repeat the door stomp then I say NO - like scolding a kid.
Then the black snake morphs into a small reddish colored lynx. I am not even remotely surprised about this and tell it to sit and stay and it does.
Then I wake up.
So the black snake it see as transformation, healing, kundalini, vital energy but also my sort of fear for it - or my need to overcome that fear for the unknown, mystery, unexplored part of me. Also, I have put a door in between us - I am blocking my moving into a new space of transition. It glows green/growth and orange/expansion.
Lynx - seer of the unseen - drawing my attention to where I need to focus right now. See things I am not seeing - deceptions hidden.
This really gave me something to work on at any rate - I need to unblock some fears, communicate what I am after and focus better as well as letting some fears go so I can move forward.
Dreams are awesome roadmaps!
So, yeah, cigarettes? It was an odd snippet of a dream and I only wrote it down because I am out of practice of writing them down (they all seem so blah while I have been stuck inside for so long) and because it was so odd.
So, in this one, I was at my parents house and my dad came in and I asked him if he needed anything at the store. He said Doral cigarettes, menthol, the kind with the green stripe.
First I was annoyed that he needed anything as I really didn't want to go to the store for anything and then WTF? No one in my family smokes. I asked him if he had enough and he didn't so I went to the store.
My brother and I are now at the checkout counter and I ask if I can get them there or if I have to go to the "cigarette desk?" They say I have to go there and I am annoyed again because the only thing I really came to get were the dang cigarettes. I honestly have no idea if there was anything else in my cart as I don't recall shopping at all. So, I send my brother to get the smokes and I pay the clerk with a check, only it was written on the back of an old ratty business sized envelope with tears in it so I had to tape bits of it together.
Then I woke up. I had another dream after about making out with Rob Lowe which was much more satisfying but a noise woke me up and I couldn't finish it LOLOL
It's memorial day. Just thought I'd add that in there. I am trying to get back into the blog habit to keep track of days and life and hours before they all fly by.
I don't do snakes. Just thinking about them makes me queasy so to dream of snakes is always a big pay attention sign and this one even more so, because I WANTED TO BUY a snake and keep it in my room. Ick.
Anyway, I wanted a snake so I got one and I was living in the house of my teen years. My Dad was around doing work on the house as well. The snake was living in a glass terrarium but it didn't have a lid (weird oversight LOL) and it kept getting out but not really escaping anywhere, just sitting on the floor - and it morphed from like an egg to a small snake to a larger one - it was black and white and while it would get it, I would have to put it back. Then I mentioned to my Dad it needed a thin mesh lid to keep it in and then at one point the entire terrarium tipped over and fell to the floor and I kept asking for help to get it upright but had to do it myself.
There are many many meanings for snakes in dreams depending on surrounding factors - in this case, I was not afraid at all, I was vaguely hesitant to interact with it but I did. I think this dream was about transcending a limiting pattern or transforming myself. Self renewal and energy rising.
I think this is about facing fears and renewal.
So, I guess there is some food for thought, although I would prefer these dreams to have, not snakes in them LOL
I was in the middle of a nice dream when I was woken up by really rude people outside. This isn't surprising as most everyone around here is rude and unaware that other people might not want to listen to them. But even so, screaming obscenities like that for all to hear is just plain trashy.
The bits of the dream I caught were good though. It started out with me in a mountain-y area, forests and trees and earth - but I am in a parking lot in my car, trying to back it out of the space but I am having trouble seeing the direction indicator so I can't see the D for drive or the R for reverse and the entire time the car is slowly drifting backward in the lot. I am not worried about hitting another car - in these types of dreams I never am - I just go LOL
Finally I get it in Drive and move upward out of the lot, up a small hill type thing, only now I am no longer driving a car, I am riding a bike (this also happens a lot in my dreams) and the hill is sort of a combination of blacktop, dirt and old lump lava that has a pretty rainbow sheen to it.
There is a guy walking next to me, dressed like a hiker, and he is also wearing a rainbow of colors - he starts asking me things like How am I doing and What will I do now and I think I say something like I am going to get settled and find a job somewhere....
By this time the path has landed me/us in this sort of fairy tale looking place, like trees that are buildings holding shops and things - touristy looking area and I think I can get a job in one of the tree shops and in one of them is someone I know from Instagram LOL She says she hasn't had a customer or seen a person in awhile and the guy nods and I think that is ok, I can still work there, it will be something for the moment.
Then I wake up to the screamers - thanks trashy idiots.
The entire dream I feel good, strong, confident in my ability to do whatever it is I need to do. Nothing worries or bothers me at all.
I like this part - I went to my IG friends page and her post is an oracle card called Heavenly Witch - which has a description : at night when senses withdraw, you may perceive truths in your dreams. The facts revealed will help you make your dreams come true.
I like that kind of synchronicity.
You can see the dream cards I pulled for this dream in the photo above. I can give a brief overview of them if anyone wants to keep reading.
Rainbow: (I kept seeing rainbow colors on things)
Connection, hope, luck, bridges between heaven and earth - a transition that is about to unfold
Earth: (a lot of brown earth, nature area)
Feminine, regeneration, unconscious - Think Empress in tarot. This is about creative pursuits, regeneration in myself, time to come back to earth and manifest these things.
Green: (lots of green plants and such)
Nature, renewal, hope - growth.
Journey: (it felt like I was in the middle/end of one)
Calling. truth, quest, self discovery - exploring the unfamiliar - passages from stages of life. Evolution
Animus: (I felt the hiker guy was this archetype)
Action, intellect, consciousness - think Emperor Tarot card
Mountain: ( I was in a mountain-y area)
Transcendence, challenge, pilgrimage for self knowledge or spiritual enlightenment.
Trees: (Lots of them)
Life, regeneration, evolution
Forest: (see lots of trees LOL)
Mystery, sanctuary - sacred space - contemplation - Jung thought the fear of a forest was a fear of the unknown in ourselves. I was not afraid. I was safe and knew all was well. Which says I feel at peace with myself.
The other bits that stuck out was the car and bike -
Car - transportation - they take you places. Movement of the car shows you where you are in life. At first I am stuck, in reverse, symbolizing being stuck and going the wrong way in life. Eventually I got the car in the direction I wanted to go!
Only it turned into a BIKE
Bike - This is a lot about balance - you need to stay balanced to ride one. Also, its about your own self power - you need to pedal it, you put in the work. This is also about movement and action - how you feel riding it, reflects your waking world feelings.
So this very much reflects where I am in life right now - but its nice to see the synchronicity.
So, this is what happens when I have the most intense dream at 6 this morning. I get up right away (that never happens as I'm NOT a morning person) to grab my Dream Cards. Usually, I can interpret my dreams upon waking up since I've been studying them for so long. But today's was so full of stuff, I had to get it all down.
I made sure to write the important bits in my journal first. Then I started grabbing any cards that fit and I just kept drawing them. 17 cards total! At the most, I may draw 5 or 6 if I use them. The cards have a collage of color and art - and while they are titled, you can either go off of the title or of the art that reminds you of your dream. For instance, I grabbed the Flight card, even though there was no flight in my dream, it was the color/scene that reminded me of the dream.
Once you pull all the cards - then you can flip them over and they go into symbolism and meaning and give you key words to work with in interpreting your dreams.
I already know what the gist of this dream means but it's all the little symbols that were inserted that fascinate me. Which is why I love dream studies! And why I wanted to share!
I bought these cards a long long time ago and you can still find them on Amazon. Clicky.
First: A Quick taste of the Affogato Diaries - mini version... This one was done on the quick and it wasn't too bad. Same supplies as the previous AD - read here. The differences were small but I think made it slightly less tasty - The glasses weren't chilled and the espresso was pre-made and then heated in the microwave - WeeCubeMan totally nuked that espresso LOLOLOLOL
Affogato scale of awesomeness a 10 being the best
First affogato: 4
Second affogato 7
Third affogato: 9.5 - there is always room for improvement but this was a solid awesome treat!
Fourth affogato: 8.5 - tasty but slightly nuked LOL
Fifth affogato: TBD
More paint by numbers fun in my artistic tab... these things are amazingly good fun.
Dream land: Some really great dreams followed by a few fallow nights of not being able to wake up enough to write them down. It's odd, but a night without recalling dreams is like waking up with no road map to what comes next. That is the best I can explain it anyway. Maybe it's because I have been trying to really work with my dreams to progress to whatever it is I am here to do and not having a recall after nights of great dreams, leaves me feeling out of touch the next morning.
I do know I have much more to explore as my last dream had many doors left to open, although some were locked... but I will get there.
Synchronicity of note: many 8s in my dreams lately - along with pulling the 8 of wands with a higher percentage than one would think it would show up. Combined with my dreams, it is a positive sign, forward momentum and progress is happening. I like that sort of thing!
Not vicious or malicious
Just de-lovely and delicious