That is an accurate representation of me last night - I am pretty sure at some point my brain just voluntarily left my body - I hope it comes back soon.
It all started Friday night - Which was going well until a very loud BLUB BLUB BLUB woooosh was heard from the Master bathroom toilet upon the draining of the tub in the hall bathroom. That sound is never good.
But, it was late and eventually the bubbling in the toilet stopped - sort of. This happened before and it was roots in the pipes - roots are never good. I texted our handyman - he said he'd come out Monday.
Saturday started really nicely. I asked for a good day because if I don't do that before going grocery shopping then parking is really bad and my favorite foods are gone. But because I asked, Crow flew by me! Then, I not only got front row parking - but my absolute favorite chicken bowls were plenty and there was no line at check out - and THREE people to bag the groceries! Heaven, I tell you.
Then everything sort of fell apart.
But first, this happened....
Crow came to visit me again. He popped in Friday with a message I was pondering - Crow is cool like that. So, here he is again and that made me smile. Unfortunately, I missed his message which was probably RUN NOW BEFORE THINGS GET MESSY
Upon doing the laundry - the master toilet did the bubble thing again. So, I texted ye olde handyman again and he said, he'd be out Monday. Ok, the Awesome Toilet still worked so ok. No, not ok. Then the toilet just backed up and filled up and I had to get a referral from handy guy for a service that could come OUT NOW.
"Now" makes me laugh now.
Oh, I should mention that when that toilet did that a few years ago and it was roots blah blah, there was this cap thingy in the yard? That I guess was opened? To relieve the back up ? So, it was opened and OMG THE NASTYNESS THAT FLEW OUT OF THAT PIPE WAS DISGUSTING NO NO NO NO NO
*Shit Pond in creation?*
So, I call the number he gave me and it went to a place that couldn't come out til.... MONDAY. What the Bleep is so special about MONDAY? I get it is Saturday but the site said it was 24 EMERGENCY plumbing help. *lies*
So, I just Googled 24 Plumbing help in my area.
There was NOT enough CBD on the planet to make this next part better.
First guys - sounds like they are having a party in the background. Say they will have a tech call me and get out there right away. Wait wait wait -
Second guys because first guys were not calling. These people were nice and set us up to have someone come out in about an hour and sent us a text confirming. Now the wait - I decided to puzzle because while all this is happening...
THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS ARE HAVING THE MOST GADAWFUL FIESTA PARTY WITH KARAOKE AND IT SOUNDED LIKE RICO SUAVE AND THE ENTIRE CAST OF THE THREE AMIGOS WERE IN MY YARD. THEY WERE SO LOUD THEY DROWNED OUT THE OTHER NEIGHBORS EVER CRYING CHILD (ok, that part was actually nice because that child never stops crying)
Half an hour later, 2nd plumber calls back. So, there is a huge flooding emergency and no one is available to come out tonight but can be there bright and early Sunday morning. Well, it isn't MONDAY at least, but really??? Ok, fine, but we are going to try calling around to see if anyone can help us out of the Shit Pond issue.
Call first guys again - oh yes, sorry, yes, someone is coming soon they will call you.
Wait - wait - wait - listen to what sounds like The Greatest American Hero theme song in Spanish being sung by 20 or so fiesta goers. Stares at wall - maybe whimpers a bit.
After waiting another hour - by now it's after 9. Call again - oh no no we are really almost there. Sorry sorry.
At this point, I have created a plan - it is an ugly plan - but my brain left and I hadn't slept the night before and I was ready to start stabbing the neighbors. Confirmed that Plumber Guys 2 were really coming at 9 AM Sunday. Yes. Confirm that while we can use Awesome Toilet it may or may not cause broken dying toilet to bubble up - yes. Well, it's late and bedtime so go if you gotta go. If it fills up we can add to Shit Pond (shudder) and have this dealt with in the morning because it was clear Plumber guys 1 were too busy partying - probably at the neighbors Fiesta - to come out.
It is at this point that we notice a whole lot of activity up the street - a meander showed that the entire STREET was flooded and plumbers were all over the place because there was a THING of unknown provenance and ALL THE PLUMBERS IN THE AREA were there trying to fix it. (But not Plumber Guys 1 - they were just lame and never came out at all)
Turns out Shit Pond was just a wee spot on the map - during the night, SHIT RIVER flowed on by.
At this point I am dehydrated and most likely delirious from said dehydration and lack of sleep and I am just going to keel over while listening to the Greatest Hits in Spanish Karaoke and hope my brain just stays away because at this point I have no use for it.
It's 11 PM.
At midnight the Fiesta suddenly stops - I can hear crickets and .... nothing else. I may have cried a little. Then I ate some crackers and passed out til 9 AM Sunday morning when the voice of Plumber Guy 2 was talking outside.
Turns out it wasn't us at all. It was the main line that cause Shit River - he checked out all the pipes and ran water through and it was all nice and everything was great. Well, except for Shit Pond which needs to be decontaminated now.
I'm probably going to need my brain back for that one. *shudder*
And that - was my Weekend! Let us never speak of it again.
Not vicious or malicious
Just de-lovely and delicious