Dream Diary:
Must have been deeeeply asleep - dreaming about something I needed that was in my comforter? I kept feeling around the edges, frantic - trying to find something? At some point I went from dreaming to awake, still feeling around my comforter for whatever it was I dream needed. I even got my phone to light up under my pillows and the floor, stressing to find whatever I needed. Slowly came to realize I had been dreaming and I had everything I needed. 4 AM OMG - I was actually very panicked - I tend to dream like that when I am tired and with the daylight savings time recently inflicted on me, I am really tired! * Everly Brothers - My earworm today - you are welcome
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For the longest time death was an abstract thought to me. It happened at some point but that was as far as I went with it. But after my brother committed suicide in 1997, it suddenly stopped being so academic.
In having to deal with the fine points of after death care, I learned a lot more than I ever wanted to know about death. And because I have no idea why he did what he did, I read everything I could that could enlighten me. That included his very detailed autopsy report. Those are some mental images I will never get rid of, but in a way, they made it all the more real, in a good way. A way that says this really happened and is not a bad dream. During the year after his death I started studying EVERYTHING about the topic. Religions and philosophies. Books on the afterlife and what happens to the body as it dies or after it has gone. It ended up being - not so creepy as I once would have imagined it to be. All the isms and beliefs and thoughts from all those studies, led me to realize that dying may suck, or it may be beautiful, but in the end, we all do it. I just finished reading Body of Work by Christine Montross and it really added another angle to my own body of knowledge and thoughts of dying, death. She tells the story of her first year in med school, dissecting her first body, Eve. At some points graphic and others poetic she talks about her own thoughts and emotions with cutting into a human body. It ended with the realization of the gift that Eve gave her and of giving a stranger hope, in healing. It brings me back to the memories and thoughts I had of needing to view my brother's own body after death and all the inherent nightmares that brought. But after a time, those horrors faded, leaving me with a much more open? informed? thoughtful, mind about what happens to us when we die. My takeaway? I imagine a lot of people would consider this topic gory or distasteful but to me it is another facet of life. It makes me much more aware of how I live my life NOW. I am alive now and someday I will not be. And no matter how frustrating my life can be sometimes, it is still a gift I do not want to waste. As you can see, I have a few books on tarot and subjects found within tarot study. But I am always looking for more because it keeps me learning and seeing more!
A few of my favorites: The Creative Tarot by Jessa Crispin - Really great for linking art/creativity with the Tarot and seeing the cards in a different way. Rachel Pollacks books Way of the Tarot by Jodorowsky Tarot: History Symbolism and Divination by Robert Place So, if you have any suggestions please let me know! I was going through my reading list and didn't realize how many I was able to check off so far! 2018 reading started slow but it is picking up, especially now that I have the Kindle Unlimited! So, let's see. As of today, March 9, this is what I have: Book made into a movie I have already seen: IT by Stephen King Next book in a series: Masked City by Genevieve Cogman (Invisible Library Series, totally AWESOME) Book involving a heist: The Art Forger by BA Shapiro Book set in a country that fascinates me: Pagan Holiday by Tony Perrottet - Italy is the Country Book about death or grief: Cemetery Stories by Katherine Ramsland Book about time travel: Bones of the Earth by Michael Swanwick Book with weather element in title: Petals on the Wind by VC Andrews (Don't judge I LOVE these books LOL) Book set at sea: The Grace Keepers by Kirsty Logan Book Set on a different planet: Wintersmith by Terry Pratchett - Discworld Book about or set on Halloween: Shadow of Night by Deborah Harkness - Discovery of Witches Trilogy and one of my favorite book sets! Book borrowed or given to you: Inside Buckingham Palace Book by 2 authors: Thunderhead by Preston and Child Book about or involving a sport: A Beautiful Work in Progress by Mirna Valerio Book Mentioned in another book: The Passage by Justin Cronin (It was mentioned in Station Eleven by Emily St John Mandel) Book that involves Bookstore or library: Mr Penumbra's 24 Book Store by Robin Sloan. The Book of Speculation by Ericka Swyler. The Bookshop on the Corner by Jenny Colgan and The Bookseller by Cynthia Swanson Yowza! And it is only MARCH! Are you doing the challenge? What books are you reading?? *Well, the books available under Kindle's Unlimited service anyway.
A few years ago during their Big Deal Days, Amazon had the Kindle Unlimited for a huge deal, plus I had several gift cards and ended up getting a year for $20. I ended up loving it. While they don't offer EVERY BOOK under the deal, there were quite a few I would never had read, had they not been in my selections. Once the year was up though, I cancelled it as it was just a bit much and I was getting enough books anyway. But I did miss having that option after awhile. Then, today, I was searching for random books and a pop up told me that I could read this book FOR FREE, with unlimited and RIGHT NOW it was only 99 cents for 2 months. *blink blink* I had to think about that for 3 or 4 seconds then hit the SIGN ME UP TAKE MY MONEY button. I can actually feel the synapses in my brain opening up and the joy flooding my brain with the thought of ALL THOSE BOOKS! Yes, I am a reading junkie. Just give me a book and all the bad things go away. At least until I am done with that book and need another one. (Please keep me away from Amazon music or I am a goner) Last night I was thinking about how nice it would be to NOT have to get up early and go to work. Or rather, it would be nice if I could just work from home. I actually like my day job, it's the getting up early and all the trafficky bits that annoy me. Then I pondered the daydream of earning enough money on my crafty makes to live comfortably. I think a lot of people daydream about that one too. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it probably wouldn't work. At least, not at first, or even for awhile. I love being crafty and curious and creative and seeing what I can do with whatever bits I have on hand. Writing, art, photography, I am like a magpie of hobbies. I enjoy the fiddling in my free time and there is no pressure in having to be "good," because it's just fun and play for me. And therein lies the problem. I think, for me anyway, that if I were to put any sort of deadline or pressure to create on my creativity, it would probably tell me to sod off. Unless I was really successful and selling mass quantities of things with no fear of needing money, then I don't think I could live off my art, stress free. That puts a lot of pressure on the artist and the art in question and could create blocks and all sorts of havoc. Having a day job lets me make a living and gets my introverted self out of the house for a bit and takes the monetary pressure off of me and my making so that me and my making can continue to have fun. It would be totally awesome to be self sufficient - be nothing but an artist and maker and if the opportunity ever arose, I would jump on it for sure. But working lets me be curious and creative and without those things I am annoyed and stressy and blocked. Maybe I just need to rearrange my daydreams to working but sleeping in late and avoiding traffic. That would make me a much calmer person! |
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