I woke up  to find a bubble mailer in my mailbox and discovered an Amazon gift card inside!  But, it had no identifying person who sent it to me!!  It came directly from Amazon and there was no sender or anything. I couldn't figure out how to find out who sent it because I wanted to say: 

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

So,I will put this here. Because a gift that generous and kind deserves to be acknowledged and you have to know how much this means to me! 

So from the bottom of my heart... thank you!

And to everyone who sent me birthday wishes, thank YOU!  It was a lovely day and I appreciate all of you!

Long ago and far away I found myself stuck living in a cold and snowy place and I suddenly found myself eating way too much comfort food. Up until then, I lived in Sunny Southern California and didn't have 12 foot drifts of snow to deal with.  I was also working and going to school and had limited food options. I gained weight.  I was not happy about it.  

Since I worked for a school, I had summers off and my first summer off I decided to remedy this weight gain thing.  So I bought a belly dancing Video Tape. Because back then everyone still used VHS tapes.  It was the Belly Dance Fitness for Beginners Slim Down.

I LOVED it.  It was the perfect workout.  Challenging but not painful. And it was actually something I could do in a very small space because I had no space.

But then years happened and moves happened and this wonderful workout was lost and I couldn't find it again and then when I did find it - it was still VHS and I had a DVD player. Sadness happened. The few belly dancing dvds they had didn't look great and the one I bought was "meh."

Then today. I was looking on Amazon for a cardio workout to add to my daily joggles (walk /jog) and found a nice dance looking once, that had several types of cardio - dance, walk, barre, pilates... and added it to the cart.  I then decided to try another belly dance dvd and SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP THEY HAD MY OLD VHS WORKOUT... ON DVD!  And it was an add-on item for $4!

I added that so fast my head spun.  They actually had a second DVD, same people, different parts  targeted, so I bought that one as well as it was only $9.  I loved these ladies and the workout was awesome. 

I can't quite believe that I am so nerding out on this and blogging about my adventures in cardio DVD hunting. But I am - because when you find a decent work out - you stick to it like grim death.

They arrive Tuesday. This will be me waiting...

In which I try not to kill things at 5 in the morning.

So, the house had, HAD, a hard wired smoke detector. It was about 100 years old. Last night it decided to Beep, randomly, then stop. Then once you thought it was done, it would beep again and again... and again.

Thing is, this old A.F. thing had no apparent way of shutting it off short of shutting off the power and at zero dark thirty I am not willing to go outside and fumble around in the fuse box.  I tried to ignore it but even my Bose Noise Cancelling headphones failed to tune it out. It got worse around 4 AM. I may have cried. I hate it when things best me. I am not happy when I can't figure things out.

I knew it had to have a battery in it, otherwise it couldn't BEEP when the power was off and that fucker beeped loud when the power went out.  So, finally around 6 AM, bleary eyed and manic, I grabbed a chair, got up on it and faced the noise.

That thing was pretty much stuck to the wall.  I couldn't see any way of getting it to move - luckily a very awesome friend was able to give me some hints and I was able to pull loose a stupid NOT labelled white knobby thingy, and get part of it off. Part of it.  Oh, and it was still beeping.

I yanked and turned, it said to turn it, and yanked and turned it and nothing.... And it was still beeping.

I decided to throw any caution I may have had left, to the wind and yanked that thing hard - and it slowly creaked its way off the wall.  WHO MADE THIS THING? Noah??

Oh and it was still beeping.

A beeping frisbee thing in my hand with no instruction on what to do now.  At this point I couldn't detach the part in my hand. I could see inside it but not prise it apart. I wanted to toss it out the window but as I was losing it, it was now 8 AM and I could call the electric guy. I could barely speak any comprehensible language at this point. I probably sounded like an idiot but he did help. He informed me that there wasn't a 9 volt battery but some weird capacitor thingy that sorta just charged the idiotic thing but there was no changing the battery. You changed the entire front panel with a new one.  *blink*  Oh and it was still beeping.

Eff that, we have a battery operated detector - this thing is being tossed asap. Which he said was totally ok and I could even move the new one over the blasted hole this monstrosity left in the wall.

In the end - I broke all my nails, cried from exhaustion and maybe cursed a lot BUT, I figured it out. That made me feel like a badass. A very tired one, but still. Bad Ass. Also? It finally stopped beeping.

So it was sunny and breezy. Then thunder and wind and then hail - much much hail. More hail then I have ever seen in So.Cal.  Then it got so cold I could see my breath.  Then after a half hour of pure hail?  Sunny.  Winter is a bully.

  In one of my favorite books, The Book of Life, by Deborah Harkness, The Goddess warns Diana Bishop that she must give up something if she wants her help.  Diana spends a lot of time worrying that someone she loves will be taken from her and it isn't until the end that it hits her. She has to give up her FEAR. Fear of what she will become if she embraces all that she truly is and not just what she wants to be.

I got a lot of change-y cards in my tarot draws today - especially the Death card. It was appropriate in that is is a new season, HAPPY Ostara and Spring Equinox all!  Plus it's a full moon of epic super proportions as well.  A good time to see what needs changing in life.

I always got that the Death card meant that, change/letting go - but it didn't hit me until today - that change also means giving up fear. Fear of what comes next. Instead of trying to grasp at keeping things as they are  or keeping all the things in my grasp - I just need to let go of that stubborn Aries need to control ALL THE THINGS.

That one is a hard one for me but I can see that it shows up enough that this is what I need to work on. I am terrible and letting control go. Makes me very twitchy. There is a fine line between letting go of that control and slipping into apathy.   Truly trusting yourself and the universe to have your back is TOUGH. But I am working on it.  One death grip at a time.

   So when I can't sleep I tend to browse random blogs of complete strangers because they are there and that is what one does.  The other day I found one that made me laugh because it sounded like something I would say and then I kept reading and kept thinking "sweet merciful crap," I could have written this.

We are the same age and have the same temperament although she curses way more than I do, online LOL  She has kids and I don't and she cooks more than I do but I think I would cook more if I had a kitchen to use.

What is totally weird is that it is the little things that match. We both are not... um... people persons - and would rather do non peoply things LOL  She drops a lot of music and tv references that I totally get and use myself too. It's kinda freaky.

We both dressed the same as kids, her childhood photos look like mine, the faded polaroids of years gone by with horrible 70's children attire and that hip happening flare of 80's clothing.    What was even weirder is that she mentioned that as a kid with a stomach ache she didn't want to take the "banana" flavored medicine and OMG as a kid I had this HORRIBLE stomach medicine that I described as "dead dried dehydrated banana flavored."     Her fear of the dentist involves her needing to be heavily sedated and needing a ride. My fear of the dentist involves me needing to be heavily sedated and needing a ride.    Stomach issues from childhood? Check.  Just plain eerie!

*insert Twilight Zone music here*

This post really has no point other than I find it fascinating that there are so many people in the world and I found one that could be my "twin."  And that is kinda cool.

(also the photo has nothing to do with this post other than I found it on my computer and it made me smile)

 So I guess Facebook and Instagram are "having issues," or something like that. Since I am not an addict, it really hasn't bothered me much but I wondered what people do - the peoples who are addicted?  I asked and got a one word answer... Twitter.

Which made me LOL

I don't really use Facebook all that much anymore because it just tends to be negative most of the time. I do like my Instagram people and I miss popping in to say hello and post my Daily Mindfulness, but it is also kinda nice to not be online doing that too.

So many books, so little time ;)

   Once and for all we really need to do away with the whole time change thing. I see other places wishing it into the cornfields and I think California should follow suit.  I mean we don't need to get up at dawn to work the crops in the fields with Lucille and her 4 hungry children.  *sigh* well, at least it won't be dark at 4 anymore.

AND OH DEER GOD IN HEAVEN I HATE MY NEIGHBORS - I mean they are the worst human beings on the planet.  They have no conception of how loud they are or that turning on Las Mariachis at mind boggling volume at 7 in the morning on a Saturday is just plain fucking rude.  These are also the same people who do their backyard karaoke til 2 in the morning and use copious amounts of power tools til 11 at night building god knows what else now. They must be excavating a fucking bomb shelter at this point since they have no more room to build anything else on dry land. 

If anyone is wondering, I would appreciate a voodoo doll kit for my birthday. 

Here is a photo of a gnome - because I said so.

Bugger.

That is pretty much what I was thinking before I even got up this morning.  Horrible stabby dreams about being chased and hunted and looking for help - which just drives me nuts.  I hate anxiety dreams. It was totally reflected in my card this morning too. Not that that makes me feel any better but at least I am consistently stabby.

Then the weather, which has been crap, showed a bit of sun, and then promptly decided to rain again. *sigh*

So I was looking through an old backup drive for some art and found that graphic up there. I honestly don't even remember saving it in the first place but I believe in things showing up just when I need them most. And I am pretty sure I needed that information today.

So, thank you Universe - even if you are raining again.

Accurate representation of both the weather and my mood.

I used to love rainy days. I still might again someday... in the future. But gah, it's been raining solid for too long now. Everything is soggy and musty and gross. I think I might be having ptsd from living in Ohio for a time and when it rained for - I kid you not - a month and half straight, and wolf spiders decided to live in the house with me. *shudders*

All things in moderation... including the weather. *meh*
I'd give Mother Nature the Finger but the last time I did that I was going to school in Boston and I flipped off the snow.... the next day we got about 4 feet of it. I'd like to say I learned my lesson but I am really tired of the rain LOL
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